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Last bank in town

by Ed Woods

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1.
Valerie Harrison 05:27
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Now disembarking Valerie Harrison maximum impact, minimum fuss. I was parallel parking down at the garrison, my rear view mirror cracked as she stepped from the bus. I want to marry Valerie Harrison, I am a partisan she is my cause. Amelia Parry there’s no comparison, Valerie Harrison take me I’m yours. You know I didn’t disappoint you stop you doing all the things you wanted to. You know I didn’t waste your time or let you down or stop your dreams from coming true. But if you call me you know that’s what I’ll do. Now Valerie’s brother Ellery Harrison, new BMW, something to say And somehow or other parked right outside Morrison’s Said “Valerie’s trouble, she’s going away.” Me and Amelia in front of the factory, I was hysterical, her not so much and back at the cafe the way that she looked at me was borderline criminal, things are too hot too touch. You know I didn’t disappoint you stop you doing all the things you wanted to. You know I didn’t waste your time or let you down or stop your dreams from coming true. But if you call me you know that’s what l’ll do. You know that’s what I’ll do and if you call me you know that’s what I’ll do. It’s tense with Amelia parked up near Morrison’s In a Morris Marina feelings run high. Sixth sense and I feel her Valerie Harrison She knows that i’ve seen her, gives me the eye. She steals out of the pound shop, pockets a spatula, She’s carrying celery, buckets and pegs. Amelia kicks off straight for the jugular ‘Marry me Ellery’ tattooed on her legs. You know I didn’t disappoint you stop you doing all the things you wanted to. You know I didn’t waste your time or let you down or stop your dreams from coming true. But if you call me you know you know that’s what I’ll do, And if you call me you know that’s what I’ll do. Don’t ever call me cause you know that’s what I’ll do. Now disembarking Valerie Harrison.
2.
Solo Mars mission (apply in writing) 05:10
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I’m going to let you decide if I am over qualified so let me tell you all the things that I can do. I got arithmetic, can read and write I’m ready to take off tonight and I’m not scared of heights and I’ve been up in a balloon. I learned to swim, it took me years and shows that I can persevere need to keep my head down so the butterfly has grace, and I am cool when things hot, jealous ones might say I’m not but no one from this town ever made it into space And I can’t get over you, I want to turn the red planet blue. I can’t get over you, I want to turn the red planet blue. I’m fancy free, a rolling stone and used to being on my own and want to be waking where for once I’m heaven sent. This makes me feel like Major Tom, i’ll find out where my shirts are from and what should I be taking my friend Kevin has a tent. I speak French, Italian, “scusi, oui cest combien” I can hear a pin drop and I think I’ve seen the light. I’ve seen love and I’ve seen hate, things you couldn’t contemplate from inside the chip shop in the middle of the night. And I can’t get over you, I want to turn the red planet blue and I can’t get over you, I want to turn the red planet blue. A one way ticket out of town, push came to shove. I see the stars are falling down from the heavens above. I thought I’d give it one more try and I’m awaiting your reply. Do I need a jumper? What time do we arrive? Now I believe you know it all, pick up the phone give me a call, you know the number it’s at the top of letter five. I can’t get over you, I want to turn the red planet blue. I can’t get over you, I want to turn the red planet blue. I can’t get over you, I want to turn the red planet blue.
3.
Last bank in town 05:00
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Why did you do it? Hit that vicar. I’ve stopped walking through locked doors and your the only one I do it for. I’m helping you through it but your getting sicker, you’re not talking oh no more about your favourite guns and dinosaurs. Cause you’re in a mask and a dressing gown we’re robbing the last bank in the town. I’m all dressed up but you’re falling down. We’re robbing the last bank in the town. Wearing the same shoes in all the photographs and after your bad news .... some cards and daffs. Arms over shoulders we’re squinting into the sun I know that we’re older now, you’re still not having a real gun. Death warmed up and a weeping clown are robbing the last bank in the town. You can’t stand up for falling down we’re robbing the last bank in the town. Wrong decision, that getaway, you drive. I won’t believe it, don’t believe it’s true. Long division, six into Renault five. I won’t believe it, don’t believe it’s true. How did I let you become like me? Stories and postcards sent from Bermondsey. So I bought a clown suit but you can see my face, we’ll do it on Wednesday, get a parking space. And I asked you how it should go down. You said “Let’s rob the last bank in the town” An oxygen mask and a dressing gown, We’re robbing the last bank in the town. Cause Wednesday week you won’t be around, but we robbed the last bank in the town. Just before they closed it down we robbed the last bank in the town.
4.
Chess club 05:05
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When are you coming back to Chess club Still at the church on Tuesday night. We keep playing til the lights go out. Make your second coming back at chess club, Where the darkness meets the light. I start praying at the roundabout. We’re here for you, always here for you. Save on a dinner eat at Chess club, You can feel the presence of the Lord. You could read a leaflet if the spirit gripped. Hope there’s soon a sinner back at Chess club Bringing home the pieces and the board. The kings are Jesus and a bishop’s chipped. Here for you, we’re always here for you. Pieces for Jesus heavens host, Father, Son and Holy Ghost the trinity who showed me just how friendly Christian chess can be. Pieces for Jesus, we kill your kings, smash your castles trumpets sing. It’s like Jericho we’re going to show you just how deadly Christian Chess can be When you’ve got no other choice choose Chess club, when your sleep is filled with burning gods of gold, the sin of envy and the sin of pride. Angels sing how we rejoice at Chess club, lost sheep returning to the fold. Our faith is deep and yes our love is wide. We’re here for you, always here for you. When your enemies are many, when your enemies are many, I know your enemies are many. Just call upon the, just call upon the Pieces for Jesus heavens host, Father, Son and Holy Ghost the trinity who showed me just how friendly Christian Chess can be. Pieces for Jesus we kill your kings smash your castles trumpets sing it’s like Jericho we’re going to show you just how deadly Christian Chess can be. We sow the seed, we feel your need at Chess club, where two or three are gathered in his name. I’d like to see you make it three or four. He knows your deeds now Jesus bleeds at Chess club so come round here and take your share of the blame. There’ll be an answer knock upon the door And we’re here for you always here for you. Pieces for Jesus heavens host, Father, Son and Holy Ghost the trinity who showed me just how friendly Christian Chess can be. Pieces for Jesus we kill your kings, smash your castles, trumpets sing It’s like Jericho we’re going to show you just how deadly Christian Chess can be. Your enemies are many, I know your enemies are many. We keep playing til the lights go out, we keep playing til the lights go out, we keep playing til the lights go out.

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All songs broadcast on BBCTees introducing between 22/06/2019 - 27/07/2019

‘Tall tales from small towns’

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released August 12, 2019

Words and music : Ed Woods.

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Ed Woods England, UK

- 5ft 9 1/2 inches tall.
- brown hair
- brown eyes.
- no distinguishing features.
Last seen in the north of England.

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